


Some things never change even when they hurt

by Nicolatte



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Draco Malfoy, Awkward Harry Potter, FtM Draco Malfoy, Gentle Lucius Malfoy, Gentle Severus Snape, Harry Potter is a Good Boyfriend, Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Draco Malfoy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 15:50:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13251489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicolatte/pseuds/Nicolatte
Summary: Draco has always been a boy, even if he didn't know what he was missing about himself.This is your typical story about Harry trying to get closer to Draco after the war, except this time is harder, because Draco is trans.Or: Draco is trans, he wants to get closer to Harry too, but he's scared.





	Some things never change even when they hurt

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from "Bloom later" by Jesse Rutherford. 
> 
> I came up with this story because I was looking for Trans!Draco that didn't involve ONLY sex. 
> 
> **English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry for any mistake and I'll accept any correction about my grammar.** Thanks.

When Draco is six years old Narcissa notices something different, although she doesn’t know exactly _what_. She glances at Draco from time to time, wishing that _something_ would appear soon. However, one day she sees Draco frowing at her figure in the mirror, her white dress being touched several times and her eyes starting to get wet and now it's clear for her. Everything starts to take its place. She understands, yet doesn't say anything, not even to  Lucius. Anyone but Lucius. It's stupid and feels bad, terrible, but  she pretends nothing is happening to her daughter.

Except there  _is_ something going on with Draco, and when  _s_ he is ten Narcissa founds her (him) crying in the bathroom, with fat tears running through her (his) cheeks. She can't stop what is happening, she doesn't know how, she tries to tell her everything is okay except she only manages to make her cry even more. She's about to cry too when Draco finally opens his mouth to speak and, with a very weak voice, says: _I’m not a girl anymore. I'm not a she._ And Narcissa nods, she nods and she cries and she hugs her now son in a such strong manner Draco asks her to stop and he... he! asks her if she's okay. 

"I'm s--"

"No, no, no, I'm... I love you. You're my everything, Draco. I love you, I love you" It's hard. There are so many things to discuss, to talk about, but in this moment she desires to support her son. 

 

Lucius gets the news a month later and he looks extremely shocked. Draco is next to her mother, almost hiding from him and watches as his father takes a deep breath before he can manages to speak.

“Pardon me?”

“We have a son now, I hope you can accept the fact” It’s not a question, it’s an order or else he can go and fuck himself. Narcissa doesn’t say those words exactly but Lucius can get the idea because of her long stare.

“Okay”

He accepts _him_ and he’s so little, so fragile he just nods, doesn’t say anything at all. The little boy feels happy and that’s the most important thing.

A few days passes when a hairdresses comes to Malfoy Manor and Draco frowns, anxiety burning his whole body, but his mother smiles and tells him to calm down, _it’s okay_.

“You wanted to cut your hair, so this man is going to do that, is that okay, sweetie?”

Draco takes a few seconds to think, however he ends up nodding and half an hour after that, he’s looking good. He likes what he sees. He likes the short and blond hair, he wonders if pulling it back would look good too. His father appears seconds later, and when he sees him, Draco is afraid of what Lucius could say, that's why he doesn't expect to hear:

"You look good, son"

* * *

 

Snape comes to visit him a few weeks before going to Hogwarts. Draco has known Severus since he was born, after all, he is his godfather. When Narcissa tells him about Draco gender, Draco is hidden between the half-open door and the door frame, listening carefully what the grown ups are saying. He cares about Severus’ opinion, he really does.

“Well, it’s a he, that’s fine. Do you want me to make a potion for him to hide his…?” Severus tries to come up with an appropiate world but Narcissa understands because she speaks quickly.

“Oh, that would be great, how’s that going to make him feel?”

“Well, he’s still a little boy, so his voice won’t change that much, but the physical changes would be... suitable for him”

“Great, thank you so much” She smiles with honesty and Severus looks away during a brief second, he isn’t used to affection and nods, catching Draco's face and they both started at each other during that bried second.

An hour later, when Severus is about to leave, he comes closer to Draco, kneeling down to face him adequately and it's not smiling, but there is some spark in his eyes.

"Whatever you need just tell me"

He leaves after that and Draco doesn't see him until he arrives to Hogwarts, 

* * *

 

Draco gets on the Hogwarts Express and tries to find an empty compartment when he sees Pansy Parkinson looking for a empty seat too. He wants to approach her, to say "hi", but suddenly he remembers _she knows_ and doesn’t need her to see _him_. Because-- she knows. But before he can hide, Pansy calls him by his dead name and a bright red is covering his entire face. He feels so embarrased he starts walking opposite to Pansy’s direction. He hears loud steps and then feels a hand that grabs him by the shoulder, even knowing he shouldn't have turned around... he does and Pansy is now looking extremely scared.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I--- I’m…”

“You know!” He whispers, looking around, afraid of someone hearing them.

Pansy lets go a sigh and opens the empty compartiment that is next to them and asks Draco to have a sit so they can't talk. Even if he's upset, he accepts and suddenly he finds himself sitting in front of her **.**

“I’ve known you since we’re five. We used to play with dolls and be best friends! Of course I’m going to make a mistake and I’m really sorry! I was excited to see you, silly, you haven’t replied any of my letters” She explians sadly, there’s too much information in a single dialogue but Draco manages to accept her apologies.

“I though you didn’t want to be my friend anymore”

“You've always been like that, making it formal won't change my mind" 

They don’t hug but their smile is enough.

* * *

Draco breaks through his years at Hogwarts without being discovered until he reaches a point where he doesn't have  _that_ thing in mind anymore, he even doesn't care; his sexth year is messed up enough to not care at all about being transgender. He feels there's no future, no meaning, nothing. The only thing he cares about is his mother. Nothing more. When he watches as Bellatrix destroys Hogwarts, part of his souls dies; and when he's in front of Dumbledore, incapable of speaking, he dies a little more too.

And there’s the seventh year he's not having. Luna Lovegood is in the basment, he wishes he could set her free, but there’s no way he can do that. He’s a coward, he doesn’t want to die, he doesn’t want his mother to die. He can't sleep, scared of everything and things get more complicated when Granger, Weasley and Potter are in his basement too and he's about to insult them for being such an idiots-- 

Nevertheless there's no time to think about that because now Granger is screaming of pain and he doesn't notices he's crying until his mother asks him for tea (so nobody can see him suffer).

And Potter--

Draco stares at Potter, horrified, and Potter looks at him, they look at each other thinking about the posibilities. 

“It’s not him”

Harry is surprised. He is too.

* * *

The only reason Draco faces Harry in the room of requirement is because he's thinking about his mother. However, there's also the posibility of Voldemort winning, and if that's the case, what about him? What about his family? 

Even if he has tried to hate Potter several times, the feeling he got after grabbing his hand when he was about to die cannot be compared with anything else and that's just... exhausting. 

* * *

After the war, Harry helped the Malfoys, at least Narcissa and Draco, who managed to avoid Azkaban althought Lucius didn’t face the same fate. Ten years at least. Harry expected Draco to be upset because he didn’t defend Lucius, but Draco just walked towards him, nodded and muttered a soft _Thanks_ that made Harry to blush for some unknown reason.

He could avoid The Prophetand Rita Skeeter during his “holidays”. Hermione asked him and Ron to go back to Hogwarts and Harry was about to decline when he heard Ron speaking with Hermione one day.

“What did you say?” Asked Harry frowning.

“U-uh? I…? That Draco is going?” Repeated Ron. He was upset because of Malfoy, he didn’t even wanted to mention him.

“Yes, is he?” Harry felt a bit nervous asking abot Malfoy and noticed a strange look from Hermione, who spoke instead of Ron.

“Yes, he is” She smiled gently.

“Oh, okay”

He would be lying if he said that didn't spend the next days waiting to see _him._

**Author's Note:**

> I think there are some typos, I'll fix them tomorrow (sorry)


End file.
